Who ARE These Jokers Running for DC Mayor?!

We are now at the eleventh hour gearing up to  vote for a new Mayor of Washington, DC TOMORROW and I STILL don’t know who half of these clowns are or WHAT they stand for.  Polarizing DC Mayor for Life Marion Barry is tired, sick and old and wisely decided to sit this one out and let his Media Lessors fight  it out.  This means we are without any recognizable faces or FLASHPOINT Stories to dredge up and hone in on to parse and dissect what this race REALLY means to the citizens of DC.  In fact, I thought there were only 3 Candidates – Muriel Bowser, David Cantania, & Carol Schwartz- but it turns out there are SIX PEOPLE vying for nominal control of the city (that is, when Congress doesn’t clap back and shut them down via congressional budget veto).  The 3 other shadow candidates who I’ve NEVER heard mentioned nor whispered about are essentially running on the fumes of their Meglomania Delusions and Pipe Dreams filled with some arcane agenda or vision for the city so they really don’t bear any further mention here.  However, if you WANT to entertain yourself and learn more about their hopes, dreams, and aspirations for a DC led by THOSE NON-MOTHERFOCKING Factors, Read Here:  http://www.wusa9.com/story/news/local/dc/2014/11/03/dc-mayor-guide/18082757/


The 3 MOTHERFOCKING FACTORS who do warrant some discussion and consideration in this Mayoral race appear separated and defined by rather superficial identifiers.   In the lead according to Polls is Muriel Bowser, who many see as an extension of the Vincent Gray Regime no matter how hard she tries to distance herself.  Since this is Washington, DC where Race (ethnicity) and Political Party (this town has always skewed Democrat) have always been the Big Elephant in the Room regardless of how PC everyone tries to be, Ms. Bowser is in the lead precisely because she represents the dominant Race AND Party.  THERE -I said it.  Nothing else you need to know about her politics and what she stands for- its a moot point.   Moving right along….


David Cantania is an openly Gay Candidate who also USED to be Republican before he broke with the party over their Advancement and NAKED Support of Anti-Gay policies. He has held a Council seat in DC for YEARS and can be considered a Washington Insider with respect to DC Local Government Business.   Legislation he has been instrumental in passing seem to focus heavily on Gay Issues & Health Care.  He has also worked on policies affecting pensions, minimum wage, and the legalization of marijuana.  Not sure if he is Pro-Business, if he has an interest in maintaining affordable housing in the District, or where his politics would lie in supporting a strong public school system- issues that I believe affect MANY in DC.    He may actually be a decent fit for DC in some respects but I doubt we will ever find out as his candidacy is sure to be a LOSER for the obvious reasons- He’s Gay (sorry but there are some Puritanical Black people in DC) and he’s NOT a Democrat.


Carol Schwartz is a WIZENED, Canny Career Politician who is no stranger at running for DC Mayor when you consider she has run FOUR TIMES in the past 3 Decades.  In fact, she is a old school politician in local DC politics and is distinguished as being a Lone Wolf REPUBLICAN (until recently) in an overwhelmingly Democratic Stronghold.  How has she stayed in business for so long in DC Politics?  She had the good sense to pick the ONE Republican Ward to live in.  Although she is fiscally conservative, she is WAY MORE Socially Liberal than most Republican Candidates would dare admit in their wildest dreams.  I suspect she is actually secretly Libertarian, but I digress.  In this current race, she has switched her party affiliation to INDEPENDENT although this fact won’t get her any new votes, I suspect.  Let’s just be honest – an Independent is a Republican in sheep’s clothing, most of the time,  and EVERYONE knows it.


Its a foregone conclusion that Muriel Bowser will WIN tomorrow and be DC’s Next Mayor -Demographics and the Polarizing Plantation Dynamics of DC’s Political Misfortunes with a Bullying Congress tell the tale.  However, I still don’t know WHO I am casting my vote for but all that matters is that I DO exercise my right to vote.  My ancestors paid in blood for my right to vote and I’m not about to squander that right because this race bores me to tears and quite frankly, I would prefer some BETTER CANDIDATES to choose from.  As they say, if you Don’t Vote, You DON’T Get to COMPLAIN.